It’s Tuesday before Memorial Day weekend, the oh so beautiful opening weekend of summer. Whether you’re at the dreaded office counting down the hours, minutes, seconds until Friday, or you’re cramming in those “oh shit I haven’t hit the gym hard enough” push ups and sit ups, here are a few things to keep in mind heading into the weekend.

Rule Numbah 1: Protection, protection, protection

Take this how you will, but I am speaking on one type of protection and that is skin protection. Bring the sunblock people. This highly underrated necessity for any weekend in the sun will keep you tan and crisp, instead of lobster bisqued.

Rule Dos: Grill effectively

MDW and fine American meats go together like needles and AIDS. So dust off the grill, fire up the propane and get busy. Remember this riddle: Suns out guns out, guns out spatchula out, spatchula out dick out! Just like your weird Uncle does it! I did say meat and MDW go hand in hand. 

Rule 3: Enjoy Responsibly*

Sure I’m supposed to say drink responsibly here, don’t drink and drive etc. But really I don’t give a hoot what you do which is why I put the asteric. If your binge drinking leads to Brad showing off his diving skills by going off the roof and into the extremely shallow end of the pool then that’s just natural selection taking away a weak link to society. Be smart but most importantly have fun. Oh yeah remember the troops too.